Are you struggling to find the perfect partner? Do you have a long list of criteria that you believe your future partner should meet? As a matchmaker, I understand the importance of having standards, but I also know that searching for perfection is a flawed approach. Looking for perfect will never work!
I always hear the same, “I’m looking for XYZ”, and I’m here to tell you, your list is narrow and means absolutely nothing in terms of who would be right for you, because you’ve missed ONE key point!
You could have the “perfect” long list of this great person with things like: “Hot body, narrow age bracket, trustworthy, successful, caring, makes X amount of money, gets on with your friends and family, treats you to things you love, etc…”
But it doesn’t change a thing about you being able to ATTRACT them and spot a great match.
Here are the top reasons why looking for perfect won’t work:
10. Looks fade. It’s SUPERFICIAL and usually has no meaning to what’s (truly) important for a long lasting relationship.
A perfect appearance or a certain age range does not guarantee a long-lasting relationship. Looks fade over time, and the superficial factors that attracted you initially will no longer matter in the long
9. You’re completely stuck on this image of the perfect person, you’re not being OPEN enough.
You’re so hard-wired on a type (even physically) you’re not willing to consider they could be any different from what you’re imagining. If you’re stuck on a particular physical or personality type, you’re limiting yourself and missing out on potentially great matches. Be open-minded and consider people who don’t fit your specific mold. You are seriously limiting yourself here!
8. It’s making you super judgemental and stuck-up whenever you meet someone.
All you see is “lack” of the perfect person and how they don’t exist, when I’m pretty sure you’re not perfect yourself! You’d miss a great match even if they did come along! When you’re solely focused on finding the perfect partner, you’ll often overlook great matches because they don’t meet your unrealistic standards.
7. You’re holding onto a fantasy and fantasies very rarely ever come true.
Yes, even my friends mom won the lottery..BUT she’s the ONLY person I have ever known to. And think of how many people dream of it. So yes, dreams do come true…..but it’s VERY rare. And everyone knows when it comes to humans, perfect doesn’t exist. You may have a perfect home, perfect car, perfect boobs, or perfect wardrobe but being hung up on perfection in someone else will leave you cold at night. So–I hope you have the perfect blanket too!
6. You don’t know what’s “perfect” for you.
Your list of perfect isn’t in alignment to who YOU are, from knowing what you value in yourself, in life and what you’ve learnt to be true to you. Take the time to reflect on what you value in yourself and in life to better understand what you truly want in a partner.
5. You place your self-worth in your idea of perfect.
Your expectations of perfect come from insecurity. You’re looking for perfect to prove your worth to yourself or to others which just makes you come across needy and unattractive.
4. You think all this criteria increases your chances of meeting a “greater” person.
It’s important to realize that the person you attract mirrors the relationship you have with yourself. If you’re not doing the work on yourself, you can’t expect to attract a “finished” perfect person.
3. You’re blind to how someone absolutely ISN’T a great match.
You’re letting anyone in if they have the “look” and shows you attention. You’re so hung up on all the ways a person IS ‘perfect’ on the surface, you tolerate things you just otherwise wouldn’t!
2. It’s just…boring!
Fate and being swept of your feet doesn’t come from perfection and expectations, but from someone who surprises you! …Anyway can you imagine anything more boring than having sex with someone so ‘perfect’?!
1. Most importantly…you miss the number one ESSENTIAL factor: who cares if their look isn’t “perfect”. It’s how they appreciate you for the real you.
For the long-term you need a partner that loves you, appreciates you and is crazy about you and devoted to the relationship. Too many times you are so enamoured with the other person and how they appeal to you–that you forget to step back and see just how they TREAT you, how do they REALLY make you feel?
Remember, finding a great match is about more than just ticking off items on a checklist. Keep an open mind, be true to yourself, and focus on what really matters in a long-term relationship. You could have the so-called perfect everything but true happiness comes from creating a life that FEELS amazing on the inside, not a life that looks perfect on the outside. Be genuine in your expectations and think of the long-term. Look for those who you can admire and respect–believe me that will last MUCH longer than how they look.