If you are looking for love, tired of the wild west of the dating apps and are ready for a more proactive vetting process, many people these days will hire a matchmaker. Matchmaking is the ancient and time-tested art of matching: one who arranges marriages.
The problem? So many matchmaking services have sprung up—it’s hard to know which company to hire. And it’s deplorable that many matchmaking services aren’t as reputable and caring as it might seem. Well, they care…., but they care more about your wallet and less about your heart. Based on my own experience as a matchmaker for the past 11 years, I decided to lay out some important questions to ask and things to look out for when interviewing prospective matchmakers.
The big mistake I have seen over and over when a prospective client comes to me: they are way more concerned with telling me who they are. And that is their first mistake. Why? The same way psychics trick you into believing they “know your future or past.” By first opening up about you, you have now given them too much insight into who you are, and from there they can spot the cracks. That is if they are a disreputable person. So, never start with you. That will come later, and absolutely is essential but only AFTER you have correctly screened the matchmaking service.
Got it? Ok….here we go
Ask questions! But, not just the standard questions, standard questions will get you standard answers.
Here is a list of questions you MUST ask any potential matchmaker:
1) How do they find prospective dates or matches for their clients? You want to know that they have many ways to access the type of people that you want to meet. Trust me–you don’t want only to be set up with their paying clients. And you want a better answer than we have an extensive database, we go to a lot of events or that they host events. You want to hear that they have many resources to continually find new women—and ask what those resources are?
2) How many clients do they have or work with at a time? The lower their fee–obviously the more clients they have to work within order to stay in business. The more clients they work with–the less personal attention they will be able to give you. It’s simple math.
3) How many people work in the office or work for them and who really runs the day to day? If it is a large company with a staff, then they will likely be delegating the “matchmaking” to lower-paid employees. Ask specifically how they decide if someone is a good match for you, who makes that decision and ask them if they meet all of the women in person before setting you up? Who meets them in person? The owner? Or a staff member? Whoever is setting you up should be meeting EVERY woman personally before you ever meet her. Unfortunately, a lot of matchmakers I hear about either never meet the girl in person (more common than you think) or they only meet her through Skype. That is NOT personal matchmaking.
4) Who will be matching you and setting up your dates? You want it only to be the owner because, in my experience, NO ONE other than the owner of the matchmaking service will care as much or know as much. How will they set up the date? Do they send you profiles to review or photos?
5) How will they “pitch” you to prospective dates? You want to make sure they really understand who you are–this will help with who they find for you as well.
6) Are they willing to give you a significant break on the price? If they say “yes” then they REALLY need clients AND your money—which is NEVER a good sign.
7) Test them–tell them you are too busy to meet them in person but would like just to go ahead and hire them anyway. ***This is an excellent way to test their integrity**
You should beware of anyone to say YES to working with you, sight unseen. What trusted reputable matchmaker would be willing to set women up with someone they have never actually met in person (unless you have come highly recommended by someone they know VERY well)? This is a huge red flag, and you need to turn and run—this is someone who is absolutely NOT a reputable matchmaker, and I don’t care how famous or well known they are. Matchmaking is a very personal business, and it’s crucial to really know who you’re matching. They should be willing or able to get on a plane to meet you. And you always want to meet them in person, even if you pay for their flight (which you should).
8) Finally, this will really throw them for a loop: Ask them what strategy they would use to access the type of person you would want to meet? Where will they go? What will they do for you?
Then after your questions have been answered clearly–really what it comes down to is, who you trust and feel most comfortable with and you will know that very easily after asking the right questions. Remember, matchmaking while it is a business, it is a business based on heart, intuition, and integrity. And the best matchmakers have all of those qualities.
And finally–once you have decided who to hire, you MUST trust their judgment. It is your responsibility, and your duty to go and meet the people they have thought would be a good match for you. Do not overthink it, do not rule someone out before meeting them—-if you do this, then you do not trust your matchmaker, and you should not have hired them in the first place. The clients I’ve worked with you have had the most success with this process are the ones who are willing to go out and meet anyone I suggest, because they trust me and they never regret it. Because at the end of the day, it’s a numbers game and the more qualified and appropriate matches they can put in front of you–the better your chances are at finding the right match. So if your matchmaker feels it is a good match, go and meet her!